PRESENT DAY: It was 5 in the evening, she was waiting for him at the place he had asked her to meet. They often used to meet in the next lane of her colony. ‘ Meet me at our place 5 in the evening, I am gonna propose the girl I love, I need you to be there with me’ he whispered to her passing by. Somewhere deep down she knew why he had called her, this is the reason she had been avoiding him since valentine’s day, but eventually she couldn’t escape the situation, so she decided to handle the situation by playing dumb in front of him.

‘Kaynaat’… her name, meaning the universe, and she was exactly as same as her name, full of bright lights, sharp, blunt, honest and independent, talking about her looks, She was full energy, she was beautiful but not poetically beautiful but I would rather say she was mysteriously beautiful, she was kind of beauty for whom you wouldn’t write poems, or refer her as princess or dream girl but a kind of beauty you couldn’t resist to know more about her, she was like the stripes of layer, every time you get closer to her you would unleash a new layer about her personality. Her every action, every move, the way she lived her life was just fearless and admirable.

‘Aahan’… his name, meaning First ray of light, but he was exact opposite of his name. He was all about blabbering about things, he was more type materialistic one, the exact opposite of Kaynaat. There was nothing more to describe about him, he was a college drop out, left his studies and joined his family business. This is Ahaan…

Ahaan and Kaynaat families were to known each other, they were family friends. When Ahaan met Kaynaat for the first time, she was breathtaking, he could do nothing but admire her fearless nature. He saw her at the family function, the function was more of traditional attire, everyone around their were either in lehenga, saree, anarkali, men in kurta payjama. Girls were having their selfie moment in beautiful dress and beautiful makeup, boys were busy in their own different aura to impress girls, everything was normal out their in the party except for Kaynaat. She was wearing a pair of black caprese and a black shirt with a black shoe with a ponytail and completely without makeup not even a hint of kajal or lipgloss. She was not actually enjoying the function standing in the corner thinking to herself when this is all gonna be over, she was lost in her thoughts, when a boy intentionally hit her and she nearly fell, she got on her feet, went to the boy, and said, ‘ I guess you owe me an apology.’ It was group of boys, they started laughing at her, they were not actually laughing at her, but on her dressing sense, the stereotype mentality, you can only wear traditional to a function like this, but she didn’t cared about, all she wanted was his apology for hurting her. They thought she would just blabber for a minute, and then leave but they didn’t knew Kaynaat, they mistook her as physically weak, yes! Kaynaat was physically weak but mentally she was the most dangerous trap they walked into unkowingly . They laughed at her, but she stood their without any expression on her face. Ahaan from distant was seeing everything, his eyes were glued to Kaynaat from the moment she caught his eyes. There was something about her that was itching Ahaan to know about her, he saw everything from the distant, but he never came to help Kaynaat, not because he was too proud to help a girl, but somewhere deep down he knew she could handle things herself and in a better way than him, he was just curious to know that how she is gonna make them apologize because reading her face he could clearly say that she was in no mood of stepping back without an apology from the guy who hit her. She was still quiet without any expression, and said, ‘I am still waiting for your apology’. They didn’t took her words seriously and continued laughing at her, all of sudden, Kaynaat started to cry out in a very loud noise that all the crowd was attracted towards her, but she didn’t stopped and made the noise even louder, boys couldn’t understand what was going on, suddenly the happiness of there faces have been wiped off, everyone started moving towards Kaynaat and those boys to see what happened, afterall it was a matter of a girl. Boys got scared, Kaynaat could see their fear right through their eyes, crowd was yet to reach them, when Kaynaat stopped and looked directly in the eye of the guy who hit her on purpose, and said , ‘ you better apologise to me now, otherwise when the crowd comes here I will make sure that you feel apologetic enough for not apologizing in the first place’, and started shouting again, the crowd approached towards her, the boys now knew she wasn’t joking, and understood the seriousness of the situation and decided to let go their pathetic ego. ‘ I am really sorry, I shouldn’t have hit you in the first place, I am really sorry’ the guy said in trembling tone, Kaynaat could smell fear in his voice more than apology. She simply smiled and said ‘ it’s ok! I forgive you’, and when the crowd came close to her , worrying they asked what happened to her, why she cried out this loud, her mother was all worried. ‘ Aah! Nothing it’s just the pain in my breast, all of sudden it striked so hard, I couldn’t resist the pain and cried out loud, I am sorry for scaring you all’, she said with a painful tone, that no one realised she was just faking it, except for Ahaan… Who hasn’t moved from his place, since all the drama began. Kaynaat had a lump in her left breast, it was serious thing, but was curable, she knew that this was gonna work even if she faked it. Worrying her mother said, ‘ we should leave, you must take rest.’ Kaynaat had no intention of spoiling the fun of the party, she didn’t wanted her mother to worry about her. ‘ I am fine mumma! It was just for moment, I am fine right now, you just enjoy the function, I will rest here’ Kaynaat said. The host of the party then stepped in the conversation and said, ‘ Bhabhiji! Don’t worry I will make arrangements for Kaynaat bitiya to rest properly. And then Ahsan stepped in and said, ‘ Papa don’t worry you host the party I will take care of her, and make arrangements for her to rest’. Kaynaat assured her mother that she was fine and she can enjoy the party without worrying. ‘Go! With him bitiya! Ahaan father said to her, as she was about to step up to walk through, suddenly Ahaan took her in her arms, everyone their was shocked, Kaynaat herself couldn’t understand what had happened just now. Every face had a question there for Ahaan. ‘ What! She just went through a very severe pain in her breast, and look at her she is so weak, walking wouldn’t be good for her, so I thought I’d help her’ Ahaan shooted the answer with full confidence that everyone there was convinced, except for Kaynaat, but she didn’t created fuss, and just went on with the play.

‘ That was really brave of you’ Ahaan said putting her on the bed. Kaynaat looked at him clueless. Ahaan read her face ‘ with those boys over there, you were very brave’ he said, she understood what he was talking about but she chose to kept quiet. He then again said, ‘ but you shouldn’t have indulge with those boys, they are pathetic, they are always the same’. Hearing him Kaynaat said, ‘ I don’t care what they are or who they are, all I care about is that no one is allowed to hurt me without my permission, and if you hurt me, you owe me an apology, and I am very good at making people feel apologetic about their actions’, she said with no regrets and no fear in her voice. In that moment he admired her even more, ‘ yeah! I saw that back there!’ he said in a praising tone…

Kaynaat was what she was, and because of her originality Ahaan got magnificent towards her, it was not love neither attraction, it was just the things Kaynaat would do without blinking her eyes and doing same things Ahaan would at least think twice. He just admired her fearlessness. They talked for hours, and got to know each other, they exchanged numbers, she was comfortable with him, so soon they became friends. As she never gave thought to her actions, what she feels she does.

December 2017,

It was Kaynaat’s birthday month. Ahaan was all prepared to give her a beautiful present, but she was never of gifts type of girl, but as it was his first time, she didn’t wanted to be rude and excepted his gifts with a warning that she would not tolerate this course of action next time. Ahaan agreed with a smile on his face. They were becoming good friends. Ahaan used to share his every problem every happiness, in every situation his mind would search for one name, one comfort ‘ Kaynaat’… And Kaynaat being Kaynaat was always there for him. They grew close enough that Kaynaat would never think of hurting him. One of the best or worst thing about Kaynaat was when she cared for someone deeply, she would rather hurt herself than to the person she loved. And this was going to cost her a big price…

It was 6 in the morning, when Ahaan messaged her to meet at the same place they often used to meet next the lane of Kaynaat’ s house. She agreed. See you in 10 minutes’ she messaged him back. After 10 minutes they were with each other. ‘ So! What’s the urgency partner, you called me this early in the morning?’ she asked with a teasing face. ‘ Kaynaat! I am in love’, he said it just like that to her. For moment Kaynaat couldn’t believe her ears, but then again she gathered her senses together, and said, ‘ Wow! You are in love, that’s beautiful, but why are you so tensed?’ She didn’t inquired about who the girl was, or anything about it in detail, and this is who exactly what Kaynaat was, she never jeopardized her friend’s privacy, she believed that if they are comfortable they will share themselves, and if not what’s the point asking! ‘ It is the matter of the tension’, he said sounding genuinely worried. ‘ the girl I am in love with is little different from other girls, I don’t know whether she loves me not, and if I propose her and she would not accept I will loose her friendship too, and I love her, and I don’t wanna ruin my friendship with her, please help me out Kai’, he said all that in one breath. ‘ Relax! Ahaan’ she said trying to calm him down, ‘ first figure out, whether she is interested in you or not and react accordingly’ she said it very easily. Hearing her, Ahaan face lit up, he liked th idea. After a while planning about how to figure things out they left for their respective places.

It took no time to Kaynaat in figuring out that the girl Ahaan loved was no one else but was she herself. But she didn’t loved him, and she also knew that Ahaan loved her with whole heart, and she was not ready to hurt him, infact she has been helping him out with the things for being proposed by her friend. He was about to propose her on Valentine’s Day. Which Kaynaat totally played out, and stood him up when he asked her to meet. He was little upset but he never complained to Kaynaat for anything because he loved her enough to forgive without complaining. But as they say, you can’t avoid the problem, you have to face it the either way , so she decided to face it in her own way…

PRESENT DAY: 28th February, 2018

She knew what was going to happen when she is going to meet Ahaan, only she knew how she was holding things up. And then Ahaan arrived, and as she had decided to herself to play dumb , so she played dumb, and asked, ‘ You are early, I am even earlier, but where is the girl you are supposed to propose, I haven’t met her, I am dying to meet her Ahaan’ she said maintaining the calmness in her voice. But deep beneath she was clueless about what she will do when he proposes her. ‘ She will be here soon’ he said a bit of nervousness in his voice was completely detectable. ‘Ok!’ she said with a forceful smile on her face, there was an awkward silence between them, and after a while… Ahaan sat on his knees, with roses in his hands and chocolates and said ‘ I love you’ with all that courage he could gather in that moment. Ahaan was smart, but Kaynaat was smarter, ‘ Very good! Ahaan she will definitely say yes! Just propose her like this as soon as she reaches here’. Ahaan was clueless, what to say, he was proposing the love of his life and she suggested him to wait for an imaginary girl, but Ahaan was in no mood to go back without action that day, he has waited long, he fell for her long time ago, he was just waiting for the right time, and now the time has come he wouldn’t look back. On the other hand Kaynaat was all set to keep pretending like she knew nothing. All of sudden, he held Kaynaat’s hand, sat again on the knees, and Kaynaat could feel that things are going nasty, she tried to escape and said, ‘ Wait for your girl, she hasn’t arrived yet’. ‘ She has arrived Kaynaat, she arrived months ago, I was fool to figure out my feelings late’ he said with intesity in his voice. Kaynaat knew what he was talking about but still continued to be clueless. ‘ Arrived? When did she arrived? Why didn’t I see her coming?’ Kaynaat was just saying it all in one breath, when Ahaan interrupted her, ‘ Kitna bolti hai Kai! Bola kar acha lagta hai par kabhi meri bhi sun liya kar’. He said pulling her closer to him, and now Kaynaat knew she couldn’t escape anymore, either his heart will be broken or hers. ‘ I love you Kai… Sorry Kaynaat! The universe, you are the best thing happened to me, please be my girlfriend, I love you’ he said looking into her eyes. Kaynaat froze where she was. ‘Say something please!’ Ahaan pleaded her. And out of the context, she didn’t realised why she said that but she said, ‘ I want some time to think’ . Ahaan had a smile on his ni face, atleast she is gonna think about my proposal. And she left.

Week after proposal…

Ahaan was putting all his efforts in convincing her to accept his proposal. On the other hand, Kaynaat couldn’t felt it right, every emotion in her body, told her not to accept the proposal, but seeing him struggling with his efforts to impress her Kaynaat excepted his proposal. ‘ Yes! I will be your girlfriend’ she said to him, Ahaan was very very happy, he was on cloud nine, but what about Kaynaat? She was depressed inside. But this is who Kaynaat was she would destroy herself in order to protect her loved ones…

Weeks after the acceptance…

Kaynaat started ignoring Ahaan, she would mostly avoid him. They haven’t met once after the proposal, Ahaan could sense something was not right, so he forced Kaynaat into meeting him. Kaynaat had no choice but to go and meet. ‘ Are you avoiding me?’ Ahaan asked directly. Kaynaat was stunned. ‘ No! Why would I avoid you, was just busy in studies’, Kaynaat replied bluntly. ‘ Are you happy with me Kaynaat? I mean if you are not than you don’t need to be my girlfriend’, Ahaan said. Kaynaat had chance to correct her mistake but she didn’t had courage enough. All her guts her heart was saying to let go of herself from that burden but she ignored her inner self, and stayed with him in the relationship…

March, 2018… Holi…

They met at the eve of Holi. Kaynaat was handling herself very much, infact she was trying to fall in love with him. But she didn’t knew what destiny had planned for her for not obeying her guts her inner voice. They were just standing by each other. Ahaan suddenly held Kaynaat’s hand it was not first time he held, but this time she knew something was not right. But she kept quiet. ‘ Can I kiss you?’ he asked her all of sudden. Kaynaat was stunned. She didn’t knew how to react. ‘ Kai you are very beautiful, whenever I see you I feel like kissing you’ he said. Kaynaat was still recovering the first shock when Ahaan gave her the second one. She was quiet. ‘ don’t worry kai! I wouldn’t kiss you, without your permission’ he said again. This was a sigh a relief for Kaynaat. ‘ But I am your boyfriend kai, i have right on you, you are all I have got’ he said. ‘ So! Can I?’ he asked her again. Kaynaat didn’t see all these things coming. In order to protect her friend she was going to destroy her soul. She kept quiet. And all of sudden she said ‘ I should get going, everyone at home will question my absence if I stayed too long’. ‘ Ok!’ he replied. And when she was about to leave, he pulled her towards herself and kissed her on her lips. Kaynaat froze in that moment. She was hurt, she was broken, cuz a moment ago he said he wouldn’t kiss her without her permission and now all this. And yet she chose to keep quiet. She left silently without any reaction.

She said nothing, she didn’t reacted on the kiss, so Ahaan took it as yes! For the kiss, and now everytime they met, without even asking her, he would pull her in his arms and kiss till the time he was satisfied, he never really cared about her wants, her desire, her wish. And everytime she went out to meet him, her every emotion would say to stop him if he kisses her this time, and everytime she did nothing.

One evening…

His family visited to Kaynaat’s family. To avoid any fuss, Kaynaat decided to stay out of any type of conversation there, so she greeted everyone, and went to her room. After a while, she heard a knock on her door, it was Ahaan, he asked her if he could come in?. Every beat of her heart said that she should not invite him in, that something is not right here, but again she ignored her inner self, and invited him in thinking what possibly he could do with everyone out there in the house. She was knida relief, but still her guts said to call out her siblings with them in the room but she ignored that feeling thinking what possibly he could, he kisses me because I am his girlfriend and he has all right over me. He would never do anything to hurt me he loves me. She calmed herself down, but deep down her soul was panicking. They were chatting, and suddenly, he got over her and started kissing her, this time she surrendered herself to his kiss, thinking that because she is his girlfriend, he has right to kiss me, and I should atleast try to love him and if kiss is the process I will do the initiative. They kissed, and after a moment she felt Ahaan’s hand under her tee. She went completely numb, and couldn’t understand what was going on, she tried to put his hands out of her tee while they were kissing but Ahaan was in no mood to give up, and he almost forced herself upon her, and realising that things are going out of control she pushed him back with all that force she could gather within herself. Ahaan felt insulted, and he asked, ‘if you didn’t wanted all this, then why did you invite me in? Why did you allowed me to kiss you in first place?’ MALE EGO IS VICIOUS… Kaynaat was completely numb, she couldn’t understand what’s going on, what has just happened, what just Ahaan said. She asked him to leave the room immediately. ‘You are nothing but a WHORE, who just pretend to be open minded, my friends were right you are nothing but waste of time’ he said and slammed the door hard and left…

It took months for Kaynaat to recover from what happened, she has been titled as a WHORE from the boy who claimed to love her his whole life. But one thing Kaynaat did learnt from the incident was, If you don’t feel you don’t need to love, you are not obliged to anyone to keep them protected, you just need to protect yourself, just because she was his girlfriend that didn’t meant that she can allow his to kiss him, if she doesn’t wants to. You are a person in a relationship don’t take yourself as an object and if your partner makes you feel same, just detour yourself… Kaynaat also realised that no matter how fearless she is but her own emotions had courage to defeat her because she couldn’t control them… No matter how strong you are but if you loose end to your emotions at wrong place, your own emotions have potential to destroy you… And the most important lesson Kaynaat learnt was… IF YOUR HEART SAYS ‘NO’… YOU GOT TO LISTEN TO THAT FRIGGING THING…

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