‘I am medium now, but I was human once and… ‘ the room went silent for a while. No one spoke, and then Akshat broke the silence… ‘ If you were human, how come you became medium? And why on Earth this is so important for you?’ Akshat asked. She kept quiet for a while and then said, ‘ FOR HIM’ She smiled, Akshat couldn’t understand what was she saying, he was confused. ‘ Who?’ he questioned again. ‘ It’s a long story’ she said and wiped her tears. Akshat could see the pain in her eyes, he wanted to hold her and console but he couldn’t, he just held her hand and said, ‘its ok! If you don’t want to…’ ‘ no it’s not ok! I will tell you the story of my life, this is least I can do for you, you have done enough for me, even in your hardest times, and I can see you are a curious soul, so yes! I will tell you, Why I savour this pain’.

Me and my family used to live in the village of Uttar Pradesh, ‘ Saharanpur’. It was British Raj in India. We all were fighting for our country in every possible way. The surrounding was chaotic. We all were terrified. I was 14, I was kid, but yet I understood one thing, we don’t give up. In this moment of chaos, I met him for the first time. He was running from British soldiers, he was almost dead when I saw him, He was all injured, broken ribs, broken ankle, bullet in his bleeding stomach. He knocked at my door. As I opened the gate, he feel on me, somehow managed to take him inside, and laid him on the charpai, and I called my mother. She came in and took a look at him. My mother was the local ‘VAIDYA’. She took out his bullet, repaired his broken ribs, and ankle, and asked him to rest. ‘ Take good care of him, he needs to get well soon, he is insisting on leaving now, but I can’t do that, he is not in the situation’ my mother said washing her hands, as she came out of his room after treating him. And my mother went to market for some herbs used in his medicine. ‘ I will be back soon, take care of him, don’t let him leave’ she said and took off. As soon as she left, I closed the door, and took something to eat for him, and went in his room. That was my first glimpse. He was just 16 years old, but the anger on his face for British govt was way too old than his age. He was true patriotic. ‘ Please have some food, you are weak’ I said as I entered his room. ‘ Thank you’ he replied. I kept the food on the table, and was leaving, when I realised his right hand was injured, he couldn’t lift it up, but he didn’t asked for help, he was trying to eat from his left hand. He was struggling. Seeing him struggle with his hand, I simply went to him, and fed him the food. When I was leaving the room after feeding him, ‘ what’s your name?’ he asked. ‘ Smriti’ I replied. ‘ Smriti thank you for feeding me, my name is Sarang’ he replied back. I said nothing I just left the room. After a while my mother came back. She inspected his health and asked him to rest. My mother always had a special place for soldiers in her heart. She grew fond him. ‘ What’s your age soldier?’ my mother asked him. ‘ 16 kaki’ he replied. My mother was shocked and impressed. He already had a place in my mother’s heart.

Days passed by he was recovering. My mother and he grew a special bond. My mother really liked his thoughts, and the spirit to fight for the country. I never talked to him directly. My interaction with him was all about feeding him, taking care of him in the absence of my mother. But I won’t deny, that after a while I too grew fond him, the patriotism in him, was the beauty of his presence. Before meeting him I had only heard of the soldiers, but after meeting him I got to know their pain, their struggle, their sacrifice, their everything. Inspite of being a soldier he was cheerful, and romantic. One night I caught him, writing something on a paper. I used to admire him from far, I never talked to him other than, but I grew feelings for him. That night after he left to sleep, the paper slipped down from his notebook, I took that paper, and I still remember the lines he wrote… ‘ तू हकीकत ना सही ख्वाब ही सही, पर तू मेरे हिस्से में तो है, तू नींद ना सही, बेचैनी ही सही, पर तू मेरे हिस्से में तो है, तू अफसाना न सही मेरी मोहब्बत का, पर तू मेरी मुहब्बत के, मेरे पन्ने के किस्सों में तो है… ‘ those were the most beautiful lines I had ever read. For a second I lost in his words, but after I realised, he might have someone, whom he loves. I was little heartbroken. But it was ok, because any how he was leaving in somedays, and who knows after that if we will ever meet. I buried my feelings within me, I decided never to confess about them to anyone ever. So basically you are the first one to know, she blinked at Akshat.

Next day, in the morning it was very chaotic outside, the sound of guns, and British soldiers was all over the village, they were searching for an Indian soldier, who was accused of killing 20 British soldiers. Sarang was inside, when I heard the chaos I came outside of my room, saw Sarang standing in varanda, with all his pistol, and weapons he had. My mother was not at home, she was out to see a patient. Sarang loaded his pistol, and was going outside to face the British soldiers alone. I tried to stop him. ‘ they are bunch of them, and you are just alone, you won’t be able to beat them, you may get killed yourself’ I said to him panting. I was terrified by the anger in his eyes, he was not ready to fight, he was still struggling with his ankle and ribs fracture. ‘ I don’t care, about myself, I need to go out otherwise they will kill you all and I can’t let that happen’, he said with the full pride. And he stepped forward, and as he stepped forward I stepped in front of him, and put my right hand on his chest, and said, ‘ no you can’t go outside, I won’t let you, we are also the soldiers of our country, we will fight with them, and I am not asking you not to fight, all I am saying is you can’t fight, till you don’t get better, give me the pistol, I will go and fight them, afterall I also owe something to my motherland’ I said. He was moved by my words, I could see that he was proud on me, he handed me over the pistol with belief that I would do what I said. My hand was still on his chest, I could feel his heart beating fastly. ‘ This is the lock, open it before you….’ before he could complete his sentence, he pulled me by his right side, and before I could understand what happened, a bullet pierced his heart. I went complete shock. Before I could do anything, the soldiers shot him dead and went banging the door. I couldn’t understand what happened. I went to him, I took him in my arms, I was trembling, he was not breathing, blood was all over him, I couldn’t believe that a moment ago I could feel his heart and now it’s bleeding. He was dead. I went numb. I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t believe that a moment ago he was alive and now he is dead. My mother came home, with the help of other villages, he was given a proper funeral with full respect. He died proudly and respectful…

Smriti went silent. Akshat could feel a different kind of pain in his heart, but he couldn’t understand what it was? And how to explain it. He couldn’t understand what to say after he heard her story. He was overwhelmed. And after a silence he asked, ‘ What about you?’ , ‘ What about me?’ she replied his question to question. ‘ I mean what did you do after his….’ he didn’t complete question. But she understood what he was trying to ask. ‘ Me? ‘ she said and looked at him. Her face was wet, her eyes were filled with tears, Akshat could see her pain on her face… ‘ I committed the biggest sin of all time…. I suicide’. She said and closed her eyes, Akshat could see the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Akshat went all numb… He couldn’t believe what he heard just now… But he also understood what she was going through. So he decided to be silent in that moment and let her cope with her pain

To be continued…

– Madhu